Sunday, March 20, 2016

Thank you to everyone! Yes, I'm feeling much better.

There are three things you probably don't know about me. One, I hate it when animals do people things. I don't want to see bears or monkeys walking on their back legs, dogs pushing baby buggies, or cats doing yoga in a calendar. All of it creeps me the heck out!

Two, I can't have the curtains open when it's dark because that's when zombies look in your windows and surround the house before breaking in. (I have a deal with my friends that they will keep me alive through the fighting parts, and I will keep them alive with my science-y skills afterwards.)

And three, I cry at everything. I cry at Hallmark card commercials, I cried at the end of Terminator 2. I cried at the beginning of Up where they show the short video of the husband and wife together, but then again, you have to be a heartless non-romantic not to weep at that. (That's Raymond's future! I told him he needs to befriend a cute little boy scout soon so he can have a companion! He already has a talking dog.) I cry when I hear songs that remind me of my dad, mom, husband, best friend, dog, and so on. And we're talking thrash metal songs, not some sad folk song.

So when I tell you that this week has had me crying with your kind words and thoughts, you know it's because I'm a wet soppy mess who cries when she's happy. Thank you so much for your kindess. Thank you so much for all your lovely thoughts and sentiments.

Those amazing flowers are from Michele and Keith at Windy Point Soap. Aren't they gorgeous? Such a sunny addition to my house. I love the yellow, the flowers, the vase. She sent them to me because of my no good, rotten, horrible week, and it turned everything around.

Last weekend, I mentioned to the lovely Doreen, of Blue Lotus Soaps, that I had a co-worker who was seeking a special soap. She's already made it and shipped it out from the Maritimes for me. She shared her stories and experiences doing my kind of work - my day job - and it was just what I needed to realize that I have been living in a slightly darker space than I want.

My friends, Kathleen, Ann, and Wanda all came to the rescue to listen to my endless whining, and all three helped me pick myself up and realize what I can do, instead of concentrating on what I can't.

My mom and Raymond have been amazing, holding me when I cry, telling me how great things can be, and bringing me cookies when I clap my hands and wait, they hate it when I do that!

I realized that there are people who care about me whom I haven't met yet, like you, my wonderful readers, and so many people in my life at home and work who care about me. I have to be okay with being weak for a while and lean on them when I can't hold myself up. I have to reach out for help before I crash and burn, and I have to look to the positive things that get me through the day instead of the negative ones that can pull me down. I'm usually such an optimist, but struggling with this intense pain since last year has altered that world view slightly. But I'm committed to being positive and seeing the best in people and things!

So many epiphanies from a beautiful bouquet of flowers and some unscented soap, eh? Just shows you how important a small gesture, a kind word, and a loving act can be in a life!

In answer to your questions, yes, I'm feeling way better. Those epidurals have been a miracle in liquid form. I haven't felt this good in years. I'm down to over the counter pain medication and only before bed. I can sit up, walk around, stand in one place for ages, and spend time with the people I love. I'm dying to get to the gym, but I'm scared of hurting myself and having this feeling go away, but I'm hoping to go on Monday and do some light weights! And I played Rock Band all day with my bestie. Sure, everyone else's ears hurt, but we had a great time. (And man, can she do harmonies! So jealous of her awesomeness!)

I'm so happy, and I can't say enough about the magical powers of spinal injections! (Oh yes, it hurts like hell, but only for 30 seconds, then it's bliss!)

This last week has been a very strange series of experiences. I took some time off the blog to heal my physical pain, and it turns out there was a whole lot of psychological stuff that needed fixing, too, relating to my feelings of self-worth. (Yeah, I know, I'm a counsellor I should know these things. But we're the most messed up people you'll meet as we never take our own advice!) So there's an overflowing cornucopia of things for me to work on in the coming months and years! Few things are as fun, challenging, and frustrating as some self-improvement!

Yeah, I know this picture is of Kirk van Houton trying to draw dignity, but I can't really think of a picture to describe self-improvement that isn't some kind of cheesy motivational poster. So you're stuck with Kirk! 

I have been making some plans for what I want to do next, and I hope you're interesting in seeing what that might be! The blog is a huge part of it, but I hope to make it bigger and better! I don't want to say much until I know it'll all work - my dad taught me to be a doer, not a big talker - but there is definitely a new e-book on the horizon (maybe two), which makes me so happy!

Thanks again for all your lovely thoughts. You have no idea how much they mean to me, and how amazing and kind you have been to me, lovely readers.

Join me tomorrow as we start wading through the comments and messages I've received over the past three weeks! There's a bunch!


Dionne said...

Hi Susan,

I have read your blog for a long while, and have learned so much from it! It is a wonderful gift you give to all of your readers - that along with your selfless efforts for your youth groups shows what a giver you are. I am also a [career] counselor, as well as a mom, and I know that we often take care of others to the point of neglecting ourselves. I know this is a bit cliche, but you need to take care of yourself and be well before you can properly take care of anyone else. I am so glad you are feeling better, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that we appreciate what you do and we support you - please take the time you need for yourself, we aren't going anywhere!

LS said...

That's great! I know how grateful I am for all your hard work. Hope this first day of spring is treating you well.

Danuta Kilar said...

Susan you are a wonderful human being. It is difficult not to love you, I also hate any abuse especially what people do to animals. Crying is good, crying is cleansing the soul.
My day always start with cup of black coffee and Point of Interest blog:) Thank you, I hope your back is better. I am happy to see you posting :))

Theodora Berard said...

Susan you continue to be woman of courage, kind spirit and boundless intelligence. I love how you feel emotions so deeply, knowing the flip side of this pain is Bliss, ecstasy and divine blessings. Meeting you has been a synchronistic event - and for this, I am so grateful. Namaste.

Baby Kat said...

When we are going through a difficult time, what keeps us going is the love and care of our true friends. Despite your current hardship, you are fortunate to have good people in your life. Hang in there!

Nadia said...

Your blog is the only one that I check every day compulsively. I appreciate all of the time and energy you put into it. Even when I am having a bad day/week I can find something inspiring in your blog.

Jennifer said...

Susan, You don't know me but you have given me many many gifts of your knowledge over the past two years since I found your blog. As someone who's real career is treating pain ( not my pretend one making soaps and lotions), the hardest part is not the pain but the place it takes in our lives. With chronic pain, It often seems as if you are in a huge deep dark hole, no rescue in site, no light at the end of the tunnel, and it is easy to become overwhelmed and negative. You find yourself in defensive mode constantly afraid the pain will get worse and you adjust everything in your life to the pain. I am so glad you have found the support you needed to realize that you may not control the pain... but you can control how you respond to it and the place in your life it takes. I am so so glad the epidural steroids have helped! You have far too many people that really care about you and believe in you. Use this as your strength. There are lots and lots of complete strangers out there pulling for you and thank you so much for sharing your feelings and your stories because we will all be there sooner or later as we get older ( having physical problems that impact our lives). We need to up the conversation on how to help one another.
Best wishes, Jennifer

Jeannette Juroff said...

I'm glad you're feeling much better. I've never left a commeno in all this tI've I've used your site for advice, guidance and resource. So when I seen you ever
Weren't feeling well my heart sank. You mean a whole deal to me. Your humor and personality comes through in all your writtings. I hope one day to thank you in person for all the ways you've enriched my life and company. Be well my friend.

Jeannette Juroff said...

I have clumsy sausage fingers. Sorry for all the mispelling

Oldriska said...

Dear Susan,

I am really glad you feel better. Keep doing so! :-) I am also glad that you mentioned your important realization: there is a lot of psychological stuff attached that calls for you attention. Literally screams through the body. It usually takes quite some time and intensity of a problem in our lives to manifest in the body. You know how mold, yeast and bacteria can grow in big numbers in your lotion before you notice it on the outside? Well, you get the hint. ;-) So, give yourself some rest, make a probe into your aching parts of the soul and heal with some potent preservative (e.g. love, self-acceptance). Great that the epidurals help, but they are like adding a coloring and perfume (non-preservative, mind you ;-)) to your non-preserved lotion. Makes it nicer and pleasant but doesn´t take care of the problem. And why would you listen to me? No special reason whatsoever. ;-)
Btw, the flowers are beautiful, I also got some yellow flowers last weekend - great reminder that the sunny days are on their way! I will try to send you a picture, though I´m not sure if I can upload one here. Take care!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you're feeling better.
As far as I'm concerned, you don't have to make this blog "bigger and better". What you do now is so amazing and so very much appreciated.

~Mrs Spaceship

p said...

Hi Susan! I've been reading your blog for so long, like 6 years now, can that be true? You're kind of a presence in my life, even though we've never met. I've dealt with terrible long term chronic pain in the past, and I know how it can change your worldview. Know that you're still you, and that you are very much loved (as evinced by friends and cookies, plus blog readers!), and listen to that voice in your head that says that self care is no longer optional. So glad you're finding some relief through the epidurals, and may you continue to heal. Good vibes from my corner of the world!

Julie Cochrane said...

You go girl! You got this and we will pick you up when you need it. This is my first post to you and feel compelled to tell you this; I have more fun learning from the school of Swift than University! You add the human aspect to your blogs and that is more interesting than textbooks and professors anytime :) I spend hours on here and, ohh look at that...It is almost 4:00 am ...again! Much love from our Canadian family to yours! (South Porcupine, Ontario). Keep up the good work and know you have quite the loyal following. xox