I have a little thing I call my Trifecta of ARGH! When I'm on a webpage and it mentions that their products are "chemical free" or natural or they make an outrageous promise, I shut it down because I know it'll make me really annoyed. (I should clarify - when I say natural, I mean "all natural" as in no preservatives in water based products, which we know is dangerous!)
To enjoy your own screaming moment, I encourage you to click here to see the Kosmea Eighth Natural Wonder serum. It's not so much the serum that bothers me - although at $70 for 120 ml, it better make me look like I'm 12 again! - but the copy at the bottom of the page.
Here are their claims...
- Kosmea Organic Body Care uses NO mineral oils
- Kosmea Organic Body Care uses NO artificial colours
- Kosmea Organic Body Care uses NO petrochemicals
- Kosmea Organic Body Care uses NO artificial fragrances
- Kosmea Organic Body Care uses NO sodium lauryl sulphate
- Kosmea Organic Body Care uses NO animal derived ingredients
- SKIN CARE AS NATURE INTENDED™
They're using every buzz word possible to define themselves as green or natural or whatever else is popular or scary this week. In this case, they're using those buzz words to tell you what they're not!
In the spirit of Kosmea Organic Body care, Swiftcraftymonkey's Awesome Natural, Organic, and Green Products promises you that we...
don't allow child molesters to mix or package our lotions or creams
don't allow our dog to lick every conditioner bar before we package it for you
don't bake day old bread into croutons and use those as exfoliants in our emulsified scrubs
don't use cyanide as a allantoin substitute
do use locally sourced, biodegradable, renewable resources, like our lovely baby seal pelt towels
do bless each product as it is poured or packaged by singing "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts" accompanied by some bawdy hand gestures
don't test on animals, unless you count that time Blondie ate that shea butter lotion bar (she was fine)
This reminds me of the Mr. Show grocery store wars sketch (one of my favourites)! "Our stores aren't constantly on fire!" Now that's a slogan you can trust!